Sunday, April 1, 2012

So long to the blog but not to the writer

It’s time for me to stop writing The Conscious Diabetic.

I’m sure you guessed....Full-time job, infant twins, type 1 diabetes, keeping up with the’s all a bit too much for me. But it’s more than just that.

Something changed for me in 2009 even before I started blogging. I had always grappled and struggled with my creative side. I wanted to be an author, an artist, a photographer, an interior and graphic designer, a travel writer, a poet....I wanted it all. But couldn’t quite seem to make any of it actually happen.

I dreamt of the different books I would write. There’s one about a fantasy world I’ve imagined with pixies, magical dolphins, and imaginary places. And there’s another, a kids’ book that teaches life lessons with animals and stuff but is really an artist's tool kit.

And then there’s THE book. The big idea for a book that I’ve thought about for almost a decade. It’s a love story set in a bomb-shaken Middle East. I kind of think of it as a chick lit version of a New York Times article on Israel and the Arab world.

As time has passed, and I’ve pondered this book more and more, I realized that the goal of the book is to go beyond what people see on the news, make the Middle East relatable. And even more so, underneath the bombs and love story is a story that inspires people to find themselves, to live life more fully, and to find the real love that matters most – self-love.

And my ultimate goal for this book is to set off a spark of compassion in a really turbulent part of the world.

I thought about the book for almost four years before I could get it started. I was stuck. And then, I read a book that changed my life: A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. Something sparked in me and after reading it, I signed up for a book writing class and started doing yoga on a regular basis.

I started writing my chick lit version of the Middle East that summer. I have 80 pages written.

I was on such an artist’s high. I had overcome some fears at last! And that’s when I started thinking about blogging. I wasn’t working on Mondays anymore, and I had a whole day to play. I had no excuses anymore. I had the time. The ideas. And the ability. I was going to be a book writer, a blogger, and maybe even write a few articles here and there.

I started blogging The Conscious Diabetic on November 2, 2009 with a goal in mind. I wanted to become a writer, but not just any kind of writer. I wanted to be a writer with purpose, passion, and compassion. And I wanted lots of readers.

I grappled over whether to write about diabetes or not. I didn’t want to complain about living with diabetes. I wanted to be held accountable for taking the challenges of living with diabetes and learning from them on living a better life. A more accepting of what is kind of life. And I have kept true to that with every single entry.

I created a routine to get myself in the right frame of mind before writing. Yoga, meditation, and tea. But most importantly, I had to let go of my ego.

Time passed. Life’s challenges gave me things to write about. I learned that I have celiac and started living a gluten-free life. It wasn’t easy. I decided to finally get past my fear of pregnancy, and well, now I have 10 month old twins. And there was the whole son with temporary special needs thing. He’s doing great by the way, and we still feel the needs are temporary.

And I’ve shared much of it with you. This blog has definitely held me accountable. Not only to write on a regular basis. But also to be an accepting of life as it is kind of person. To reflect. To learn. To keep myself inspired. And I’m honestly not always that person, but the blog reminds me to be. And I am so thankful for that. You have no idea.

This blog has seen over 5,300 visitors and 102 entries in the three and a half years I’ve been writing it. This blog has connected me with like-minded friends as well. I know that people are more open and sharing with me because I am more open and sharing with you. This blog has helped me with my career. This blog has helped me become a better writer. And a better person.

But there’s been one thing missing, one thing stuck in my mind. I wasn’t writing the Middle East love story. And I must write it. And in the four years that I’ve found myself as a writer, I have found that I don’t have the personal bandwidth to do both.

So I must pursue a dream. I’m going to make space in my life to write my dream novel by giving up this blog that has meant so much to me. I may come back, but I can’t promise. I have no plans. I may start a new blog, and I’ll let you know about it when I do.

But for now, I hope you will all stay in touch with me. I really value the friendships and connections I have made through this blog. It’s been priceless. Thank you.